Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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