Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
