did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
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So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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