Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
