you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
