An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
