Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
