In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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