and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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