NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
