My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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