Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
