I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have demons in me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
