I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
