Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
