My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
