guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
