Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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