I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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