so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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