hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize