You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
They left me at home... I'm a liability
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
