I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
