My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
