Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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