my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
