Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
