oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
