i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
