i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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