Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
vagina is talking i cant
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
