You really coming over, don't trick.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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