where am i from again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
