Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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