People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
