Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
