Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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