He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
