she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
