how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
