Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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