We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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