So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
