I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
