theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
