so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
