my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
only you would photoshop your dick
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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