Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
