we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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