i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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