Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
