dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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