Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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