I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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