I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
