We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
