I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
