I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
