its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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