You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
