were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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