Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
