The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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