oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
