:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
