What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
