we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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