I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
