well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
