Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
