Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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