I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize