So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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