I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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