There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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