im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
