i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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