they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
