Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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