well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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