He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
