babies were throwing up all over the place
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
