So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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