Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Randomize
