i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
