1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
