dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
