How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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