When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
then he tried to convert me to islam
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
