Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
