I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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