I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
